How To Improve Your Self-Confidence On Returning To The Workplace After Maternity Leave

A mother of twins and CEO of a start-up, Bree Verity talks about returning to the workplace and the story we tell ourselves and others.

When I returned to work after having twins, I didn’t tell anyone that I was a new mother. It was as if I had this secret life. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my news but there was no reason why I should feel this way – everyone had children, all my colleagues and male counterparts.

It wasn’t until four months back at work that I finally told my colleagues and my manager that I have twin babies. It was at that moment that I realised why I was so secretive.  I was no longer, Bree Verity, the Worker Bee, I was also Bree Verity, the mother. My identity had changed and I was worried that so would my colleagues’ perception of me.

Gender Equality

That was seven years ago and I believe we have come along some way in terms of gender equality in the workplace. However, my own experience from working in the city is that gender issues are still heavily prevalent. Women with children are perceived very differently – and this is not just by their male colleagues.

I believe women are still struggling to be noticed as an individual, without the tag-lines and adjectives associated with being a mother and a woman in business. But my question is – How much of this has to do with the way that working mothers perceive themselves?

Are You Superwoman?

When returning to work, mothers can under-estimate the way they will feel about themselves.  This in turn can play into the way others perceive them. If a new Mother is feeling a lack of confidence, struggling through sleep deprivation, and is feeling the prevailing guilt because they cannot physically be in two or more places at once, it is no wonder this can pervade our psyche and how we present ourselves to others.

The fact is – no one is Superwoman. The fallacy that we are trying to live up to is just another societal myth. And I believe that this frame of mind is extremely detrimental.

In my last role, there were 9 senior leaders overseeing the department. Three of these were women with children between the ages of four and seven. There were two other women who had teenage children. All of the women (I know from speaking with them) were conscious of the need to try to be everywhere at once, to multi-task, plan, prioritise and juggle.  These were all traits that they had mastered and executed beautifully on a daily basis.

For some, the need to work to hard deadlines – like picking the kids up at school – made parents more time effective than they were before children (it certainly has with me!).

But still, there is a sense that working mothers feel like they are failing, and this has got to change.

Starting Arc

It wasn’t until I started up my own company that I was able to fully observe the self-criticism that mothers put themselves through. Many repeatedly apologised to colleagues or managers for not being able to be at work the long hours that they used to be (even though they are still completing the work that is expected of them).

They feel guilty when their children are sick and they have to take the day off to be home or to work from home in order to do the school run. Their colleagues take the time they need to go to the dentist or GP for an annual check-up or to stay home to get the car MOT. But still women and mothers, in particular, beat themselves up over these occurrences, often working evenings and weekends to make up for the time that they are not in the office, even if they have agreed flexible hours with their line manager.

This apologetic nature of feeling that you are always behind or not being good enough, has a negative impact on how you feel and how you might then be perceived in the workplace.

Identity Change

When I started Arc and moved away from a ‘Big Corporate’ to a ‘Start-up Entrepreneur’, my identity had to change again. Just as it had when I became a mother. At that point I was faced with a bigger realisation – we are always changing – in big ways and small.

We will continue to change, to adapt and to learn from the events that present themselves to us, and the way that we choose to react to them. Embracing those changes and moving forward is all part of the learning process.

Launching Arc Storytelling, I am helping other Mothers and Business Women both. I work with people, helping them with their self-confidence, encouraging them to find their own narrative and better themselves.

What’s more rewarding than that? At Arc some of what we do is to help people work with and break down the barriers and limiting beliefs they hold or have bought into, to help them think again about who they are and who they want to be – their best selves.

Human beings that struggle, and learn, and then pick themselves back up off the floor, and start again.

What’s My Advice For Women Returning To Work After Maternity Leave?

• Be honest – with yourself and with your employer. There will be a period of bedding-in again – for you, for your family and your team.
• No one is a Superwoman. We are all guilty of trying to be something that we are not. We need to be ourselves and act with authenticity and honesty.
• Create a support network. You cannot do it alone. Think about a back-up or contingency plan.  What if you are late or transport is delayed? What if you have to be at an important meeting, and your child is ill? Have a neighbour/friend/nanny on speed dial and don’t be reluctant to swap and share pick-ups, carpooling, etc with other families.
• Don’t use your motherhood as a crutch or an excuse. You are just as good as you were before, if not better. It’s okay to talk about the sleepless night you had. But then you have to get on, just like anyone else in the office and carry on with the work that you are paid to do.
• You are relevant in the workplace. You belong there and you help to make the company a success. It’s proven that firms with a balance of male and female employees outperform their more male-dominated competitors. People recognise that a mix of strengths, backgrounds, and specialisms are crucial to building teams that can see problems from different perspectives and collaborate using their different specialisms to solve them.

If You Are Looking At Starting A New Role:

• Think about your expectation of what this new role will mean. And talk it over with your family. Will it require more hours in the office, travel and time away from home, entertaining, or evenings networking? Think about who is going to help with the children, the household chores and the things that you do now that you may not have the capacity to do with the new role. Again, set expectations with your family – and with yourself – you cannot just expect to juggle it all and fill the void yourself.
• Think of your salary expectation. It is really important to know what your time is worth and make sure that you are getting paid accordingly. Especially when you are leaving those little aces at the door on a wet Monday morning, you need to make sure that you know what you are doing it for, and can stand behind your decision.
• Keep current with learning/best practice/technology in your industry. Staying current and relevant can be attending events and conferences.  It also means reading books, blogs websites, listening to PodCasts, talking to your colleagues and even thinking about how you can learn about a new but connected area – like leadership and talent development and management, business change management, or design thinking/agile delivery and development. Google any of the above to find out more. 🙂
• Prepare yourself for the interview. It is more difficult to get a new job in the UK than it used to be. Don’t let that stop you. Do your homework. Research the company and the people who will be hiring you. Practice your story and what you are going to say.

Need help being able to articulate your story and what makes you job-ready? Speak to one of our professional coaches over at Arc today!

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