Why Women Should Step Out of Their Comfort Zone More

It’s all too easy to stay in your comfort zone.  I realised this a couple of years ago.  I hit my 40’s and life was ticking along.  Things were good at home.  The kids were doing well.  Work was going ok.  Same old, same old.

But I started to get this nagging feeling, more and more often.  Was this it?  I began to feel a little restless – I wanted to shake things up a little.  I was bored and wondered if I had actually become boring.

My life was both full and lacking at the same time.  It was full of so many wonderful things (my kids, my husband, my home) yet there was something missing.  I was feeling a little empty.

Comfortably Numb?  The Lull Of The Comfort Zone

When I was in my 20’s, I was working with a guy who was in his 40’s.  I recalled a conversation that we had.  He described his life as ‘comfortably numb’ and I made a mental note that I would never feel like this.  But here I was.

I didn’t realise at the time that he was probably referring to the title of a Pink Floyd song which includes lyrics such as this is not who I am and the dream is gone.

After a little soul searching, I realised that this emptiness was self-perpetuating.  I was getting more nervous and scared of doing things which was making me more scared and nervous.  My own inaction was breeding these very feelings.

I was more than disappointed in myself.  Who had I become?  How had I allowed this to happen?  Life had just taken over.  I had lost touch with myself and I had forgotten who I was.

Something else was happening too.  I seemed to have let go of all my dreams and goals.  That sounds rather dramatic, I know.  They (dreams, goals) were still simmering away in the background but I needed to re-awaken them.

I Don’t Want Regrets – Do You?

At the same time as feeling comfortably numb, I was worried about the prospect of getting older and the possibility of regrets.  If I was staying in my comfort zone all the time, what new experiences, opportunities and adventures were passing me by?  Probably quite a few.

Rebellion

It was time to do something.  I wanted to feel alive.  I felt even a tiny bit rebellious. Mid-life crisis, who knows.

The whole area of women’s confidence had fascinated me for a while.  I had begun to write a book about it.  It resonated with me so much.  It was an opportunity to do something that I wanted to do.  And I was learning.  My mind was being challenged in so many different ways.

To push forward and go in the direction I wanted to (which was to start talking to experts in the field), I had to step out of my comfort zone.  Did I like doing it?  No.  Did I need to do it?  Yes.

Going out of your comfort zone is uncomfortable.

However, the people I contacted were helpful, supportive and encouraging.  Most agreed that the subject of women’s confidence was hugely important. Funnily enough, my own confidence grew.

Fear and Realisation

And that’s the thing about stepping out of your comfort zone.  The fear.  And then the realisation that it’s not as bad as you thought and that you are quite capable.

Since then I have stepped out of my comfort zone numerous time.  Every time, I have the same feelings.  Do I have to do it?  I’m scared.  I can’t do it.  What happens if I fail?  What will people say?  When I start to do what I’m scared of, the fear melts away.  And it’s often replaced with a feeling of achievement and a renewed trust in myself.

And it feels good.  Actually, no, scrap that – it feels great.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been times (hundreds) when I have utterly doubted that I could do it.  Times when I have felt silly, awkward.  Imposter syndrome.  But equally there have been times when I have thought you know what, this is a really important subject and I need to have faith in myself that I can do it.

There have also been times when I wanted to give it all up and just hide under the duvet.  But, I’m stubborn, my husband will tell you that (though maybe not so politely.)

What Have I Learnt?

Yes, it is scary doing new things.  You just don’t know how it will turn out, do you?  And that’s one of the reasons we stay in our comfort zone because life can be more predictable there.

It’s so much easier to not do something then to step out into the unknown.  After all, why put yourself through all that discomfort?

But if we don’t step out of our comfort zone, we don’t grow, we don’t learn more, we don’t have new experiences.

What it boils down to is fear and a basic lack of trust in ourselves. But the great news is that fear and discomfort are just temporary – they pass quickly.

You’re Not The Only One Who Feels Scared

Every woman I have spoken to about stepping out of her comfort zone, has said the same thing.  I’m scared, I’m nervous, I’m worked up.

But interestingly, afterwards, they said things such as – I’m thrilled to master a new skill, I’m relieved & pleased with myself, I feel more confident, it has proved empowering, I’m really proud of myself.

As I said above, there comes a point when you realise that you are much more capable than you think.  We have a tendency to hold ourselves back.  It seems to be built into my genes anyway.  But I don’t want to hold myself back any more, do you?

This book has totally helped me to change my mindset, push myself forward more and become more positive.  Have a read (don’t be put off by the cover).

Read my post on why I started Woman Ready.