Post by Shelly Bosworth. Just as we thought we were moving forward into the ‘new now’ it feels like it has all been snatched away again. The shops are open, some offices are, but you’re being asked to work from home and it feels like you have taken many steps backwards.
You were excited, you were ready, and you were all set to get back to work with your colleagues and get stuck back into your role, whatever this now looks like in your business. But there is one little bit of relief in all of this, that difficult colleague that had been playing on your mind. Not being back in the office could mean you can hide away from that situation for a little longer?
Or it could mean you have to think differently about how you deal with it, because quite frankly its causing you stress and impacting your ability to do your job as well as you want to.
Limbo Land
It’s important to remember that we’ve all been through a difficult few months, riding the same storm on different boats as they keep telling us. We were all getting ready to move forward and now we are all held in some kind of limbo land and that means different things for everyone of us.
You may find that this journey has opened people’s eyes and they may have changed their thoughts, their opinions and even their priorities. There may be some difficulties within these changes that shift and alter things in the work space even if you are not in the work place. Not only this, but emotions may still be high, some people are anxious and worried, struggling with the ever changing rules. Some were chomping at the bit to get back into their routine and out of their homes, whereas for others, perhaps their role has changed…the list goes on.
But what these changes do mean is that perhaps you find yourself with a ‘difficult’ colleague, and with more than enough on your shoulders right now, you need to find ways to deal with it. So, what can you do and how do you work through this in order for it not to have an impact on your career, and daily life.
First thing’s first…
What’s Really Going Om? What Are They Actually Doing To Be ‘Difficult’?
It’s important to get the facts clear in your own mind if you have any hope of dealing with the situation. When someone starts to behave differently or seems challenging from your perspective, your negative feelings may cloud your judgement of the actual situation.
Then of course others give their two-penn’orth which can cloud it even further…
Add in to that communication through the medium of Zoom in our own homes, and who knows what we might be reading incorrectly.
Try not to jump to conclusions about what might be causing this behaviour and instead try to learn about the difficult colleague. I don’t mean that you need to find a magnifying glass and get all super sleuth and weird, but maybe knowing a bit more about the individual will give insight into the behaviours that you see as difficult. Maybe they’ve got stuff going on themselves? Maybe they’ve been through a really challenging few months?
Question the assumptions you have made and try to gather some context. Could you arrange a separate call with them to chat and check in on how they are feeling about life in general?
Deal With The Truth
Where did it start? At what point did this person become ‘difficult’?
You see the thing is, we all like people who like us…That’s basic human nature.
When we think that people don’t like us, if they do something that gives us any inclination they aren’t a fan, we are far less likely to like them and so the circle goes on. If you’ve then decided you don’t like them, how are you then behaving?
What if you could be the better person and stop the cycle?
What if you just accepted that you aren’t best buddies, but you respect each other’s position?
We don’t all have to be best friends with our colleagues but we do have to treat everyone with respect and in a way that we would want to be treated. Not only will it make you, and your colleague, feel so much better, the rest of the team will also notice the difference in the atmosphere and will be grateful for it.
Forgive Yourself
Yep, we all need to look within!
Everything starts with us, so being kind and forgiving of yourself is key.
Do you berate yourself for making mistakes or for not being perfect? Do you in turn have high expectations of others?
Learning to forgive yourself, and accept your own imperfections, will help you shift perspective and become more forgiving of others too.
Explore What You Could Learn From This
They say that everything happens for a reason and I’m a strong believer in this. After a challenging time, we often look back and say it made us a better person, reflecting on our personal growth and learnings during this period.
What if you could learn from this situation with a difficult colleague?
What if you could be glad this is happening and use it as an opportunity to grow, rather than feeling anxious and agitated about the situation?
What is it about the individual that is really bothering you? Is it possible that this is something you see in yourself? The truth is, if you spot it then you’ve often got it…
Culture
It’s important that you take responsibility and do your bit before blaming company culture for a colleague’s behaviour. However, it is of course possible that there is a role for the company to play here too.
Is the environment and culture one of collaboration and teamwork? How is your company helping you all to adjust to new ways of working?
Does the company support and encourage the behaviour you deem to be difficult or does it foster an environment for you all to thrive and support one another?
Can you seek support from a leader to deal with this difficult colleague? Is there an opportunity for some virtual team building after all this time apart from each other?
Healthy Work Environment
By having these open and honest conversations, you may realise that there is more you, and the company, can do to all support one another and create a happier and therefore healthier work environment for the whole team.
Difficult co-workers can affect your confidence, your career journey and of course your job satisfaction – something that none of us want to experience. Choosing to work through these challenges can be so empowering and more often than not lead to positive results and peace of mind. It’s got to be worth a try, right? Not only will you be helping yourself but you’re likely to end up helping others too, often without even realising!
Bio
Shelley Bosworth is the Founder of Shelley Bosworth Coaching and a straight talking, qualified Personal Performance Life Coach specialising in Mindset and Confidence for Women in Business and Female Entrepreneurs.
With more than 20 years’ experience in senior leadership roles through Hospitality and Retail operations for some of the biggest names in the industry, she knows the challenges of real life, and the toll they can take on you.
She works with women who simply want ‘more’. Women who want to be, do or have something different and think that they can’t. Whatever their more is, however big or small, Shelley’s passion is empowering women to master their biggest obstacle – themselves and their mindset.
Working with her clients, Shelley breaks down what it is they really want, works out what is really stopping them and what they need to do to make their more happen, guilt free and confidently.
