5 Things I Wish My Mum Had Told Me About Motherhood

Motherhood is not quite what I thought it would be.  I think I had so many expectations from the outset.  I expected pregnancy to be easy – it was tough.  I thought I would be a good mum – I’m not sure I am.  I thought it would be easy and that I would sail through it. WRONG.

Motherhood is a constant learning curve.  Some days you think you have it cracked but other days you feel rather inadequate and go to bed vowing to stop shouting, be more patient, be a better mum.

I don’t think we appreciate our mums and what they do for us.  I know I didn’t.  But I look back now, after having kids myself, and think my mum was pretty amazing.  My mum is sadly not with us but I’m sure we would have shared some great conversations about motherhood.

Below are 5 things I’m sure we would have discussed though maybe not number 2 in great detail!

My Husband And I Would Somehow Revert To Traditional Roles

I’ve no idea how this one actually happened – I’m sure my husband was a new-age man before I married him.  I’ve narrowed it down to maternity leave when I decided that it would be a really good idea to look after my son and do all the housework too.

I think maybe I needed to show the world that I could do both.  It can’t be that hard to do both, right?  Wrong, again.

With hindsight though, I was setting myself up for failure.  I was juggling the housework and the childcare and this became the norm and the expectation from the household.  The issue came when I went back to work and wanted to re-dress the balance in my role and my husband’s.

It was a tough time.  There was some resentment; there were heated debates.

Balance

I’m glad to say that things are much more balanced these days.  We still have conversations about sharing the housework even 10 years into parenting.  I will ask him if he knows where the washing machine is and he will ask if I know what day the re-cycling needs to be put out.  Touché.

I joke that we have magic fairies in our house.  I joke with our kids too, ‘do you think the magic fairies are going to pick your clothes off the floor?’

If I was doing this all again, I would have had a discussion pre-kids/during pregnancy about both our expectations around parenting, work, housework.  Hindsight is such a great thing!

The Impact Of Becoming A Parent On Your Sex Life

I was out with some friends recently and one commented that she had had sex with her husband twice in one night – it was their 10-year anniversary.  The rest of us stood up and clapped.

Your sex life can take a hit after becoming a parent.  It sort of has to, in a way.  Suddenly, life is not all about you and your partner, there are others in the picture.

You Can’t Have It All (well you can but something has to give)

Who invented the concept of having it all?  Having it all is overrated, in my opinion, and bloody hard work!  I tried it and found it hard, both physically and mentally.  I juggled work, the kids, the house and I began to crumble under the pressure of it all.

Something had to give, I realised, or I would have ended up losing my sanity.  The solution for me was to reduce the hours I worked.

Motherhood – It Comes With a Price

You have to realise that having it all comes with a price and you have to figure out what you are willing to put up with.  If you want it all, then be prepared to feel some guilt.  Be prepared to feel that you are not giving your all the everything.  A friend of mine commented, ‘sometimes you don’t need to deliver gold-standard, bronze will do.’  How true.

If you decide to stop working or work less hours, then be prepared to feel a loss of your professional identity.

But also remember it’s your choice and your decision.  Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t be hard on others.  You don’t have to feel guilty.  Don’t feel that you should justify why you stopped working or work crazy hours.  And if you have some free time, you don’t have to spend it doing the hoovering.

Sometimes You Want It All

Sometimes I do aspire to have it all.  I want the career, the amazing relationship with my husband, to be there for my kids all the time, to have a nice home etc.  If you’re one of those women who has it all and you are feeling amazing with it, then well done.

If you’re like me and have struggled, then don’t feel bad.  I think it happens to most of us at some point.

I Never Expected My Husband and I To Have Differing Opinions On How To Raise Our Kids

My husband and I have differing ways on how to raise our kids; another one I never foresaw.  Our morals are the same though which is the key thing.

But I’m bad-cop and he is good-cop which I don’t think is particularly fair.  I’m definitely stricter and less tolerant than he is.  I’m more direct with the kids and am less willing to negotiate with them.  My husband will discuss and negotiate with them and it’s actually nice to see this (though infuriating sometimes).

He is much more carefree with the kids than I am and I’ve learnt this is partly human nature.  I admit that I do sometimes want to surround them in cotton wool especially today with all the horrible things going on in the world.  He is much more, ‘go and try it.’

We argue about technology.  I’m not a massive fan of kids using iPads etc a lot but he is more relaxed about it.  Currently we are arguing about my son getting an iPhone for his birthday.  He will end up getting one but I’ll set some boundaries with it.

But he’s a great dad.  He’s probably better at being a dad than I am at being a mum.  And I love him dearly.

What things were a bit of a shock to you when you became a mum?  Let me know.  Email me at lou@womanready.com.

Thanks

Lou