Hi it’s me, the tiny voice inside that says you’ll lose it all, the monster inside you that keeps you safe in your comfort zone, the mean girl whispering “you’ll never be good enough”.
Taking a risk at anytime feels scary. 10 times riskier when it’s something that could potentially be life changing and something that you’re doing for the first time. Maybe 100 times riskier when you feel like you are already successful and may have too much to lose.
It’s also the possible embarrassment of failing at something you really, really want.
When you stand on the edge of possibility, it feels WILD, big, death defying, in some ways.
The realness of succeeding and the fear of failing at what you truly, secretly desire feels painful.
It’s a double-edged sword: you’re so close to having what you want, you can taste and smell your desires coming your way.
And then your inner voice takes over:
Why did I dream this big? I don’t deserve to have what I want. Who do I think I am? Who encouraged me to come this far? DARN THEM! Why aren’t they here holding my hand?!
Sometimes ‘success’ is a curse that keeps us from our next stage of evolution. It can keep us from taking big risks in new directions because we are afraid of losing what we’ve already created.
My Own Story
For the past 6 years, I have been really diving deep into my own authenticity, releasing blocks and negative thinking, cultivating a mindset of abundance. I have read numerous books, attended countless seminars, and REALLY put in the work.
During this time my ‘career’ has always been nursing. First my RN and now a Nurse Practitioner. I love this career and helping others. However, I also knew that I wanted more from life. Although I believe Western medicine can be beneficial and help alleviate, cure, and treat so many medical issues, I also believe that too many of us are reaching for medication when we should be looking inside of ourselves.
I knew I wanted to do more, to help people uncover the deep root of their emotional issues and realize that their lives are NOT dictated by their circumstances. I’ve seen people overcome all odds and do what no doctor or textbook ever thought possible. At the other extreme, I’ve also seen people who are debilitated by their own minds.
Leaving It All Behind
To venture into a new career, when I have been labelled successful by so many, is hard. Leaving behind what I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on, over 6 years of study. Something that I have devoted the past 13 years of my life to. Who was I to ask for more?
It felt dangerous to give up how I had been living, the successful career and life I’d created, and do something new.
But I had to.
My entire life, authenticity has been a core value. To be genuine, honest, faithful, true to myself. Being false, even a little, was impossible for me.
But totally changing to do what I wanted, in full view of my friends, family, and the whole Internet? That felt like stepping in front of a firing squad.
This is why we keep our desires to ourselves. Why we stay stuck. We would rather suffer in silence than step in front of the firing squad.
Maybe you’re teetering on the edge, having bought the URL, secretly drawn up plans, cut and pasted your vision board.
Or perhaps not.
Maybe this desire is still your secret, it being so precious that bringing it out into the light might instantly destroy its magic.
Keeping Your Desire Alive
If you keep it to yourself, the desire will shrivel and die. And so will a piece of your soul. Your desire needs light, nourishment, and fresh energy to grow.
And I know, it seems upside down: you’re already successful in so many areas of your life. You’ve proven yourself over and over. So, why does this feel so scary?
Because you’re used to being a success.
And this desire feels like something you’ve never truly attempted before. This desire feels like putting your heart and soul out there to be loved…or hated. It feels spiritual and so out of your comfort zone that there’s no map. And going after this desire brings you back to a place before you were a success. Back when you didn’t know what you were doing. Back when you could take risks and not fear ‘losing it all’. Now you have more all to lose.
True Failure
I’ve seen it happen, with clients and in my own life. If you don’t pursue this desire, your life will suffer. You’ll always secretly know that you let yourself down.
Eventually, feeling inauthentic is worse than not trying at all.
Remember what you’ve learned along the way:
No failure is a true failure. Each misstep is a piece of the puzzle. Each failure is a part of the whole journey to becoming your next You. Each ‘failure’ is just a lesson learned on the path to your desires. If you dedicate yourself to seeing it that way.
If you enjoyed this article, why not read how to curate a confident mindset through your strengths or 17 powerful ways to boost your self-esteem.
