Let’s face it going back to work can be really hard. Whether you’re going back to work after maternity leave or have had an extended career break for whatever reason, going back can seem daunting.
Here are our tips on making the transition back to work as easy as possible.
Return To Work Confidence
Going back to work after having taken time out, whether it’s 6 months or 6 years, is nerve-wracking. You may feel that all your experience and your skills seem to have deserted you and left you wondering who you are. We have talked to lots of other women and it’s reassuring to know that others have felt this way too. Many have felt a loss of confidence and a loss of identity, wondering what has happened to the ‘old-me’.
It’s normal to feel this way, after all, ‘becoming a mother is an identity shift, and one of the most significant physical and psychological changes a woman will ever experience’.
Let’s Help Build It Up
There are many ways that you can build up your confidence when you return to work. One of the best ways we have found is to remind yourself of the experience that you have and what you have achieved. Remember that no-one can take your achievements and experience away from you.
Take some time to have a look over your CV. Look at the roles you’ve had, the projects you’ve completed, the people you’ve managed. Pull out the great work that you’ve done and keep re-reading it. Focus on it, re-live the feelings of achievement. Remember the positive words that your boss/colleagues/clients said to you. Get into the habit of looking at this regularly. Use it as a way to help build up your confidence and self-worth.
Loss of confidence does not equal loss of ability. When the doubt creeps in, remind yourself that you are hugely capable, talented and experienced. I’ve found this book, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, totally inspiring in helping me to change my mindset and confidence. Don’t be put off by the cover!
Don’t Write Yourself Off
Similar to the above point on confidence, we are often guilty of underestimating ourselves. This can have a knock-on effect as we step back into work. You may decide to not apply for that new role or to not go after that promotion, because you’re underestimating yourself and thinking you’re not good-enough for the job.
Decisions you make now could well impact your future career, your future earning power, even your retirement funds! Lisa Unwin and Deb Khan, in their book, She’s Back – Your Guide To Returning To Work, share their tips and advice on sustaining a long-term career (and guarding against making short-term decisions that may well impact you in the longer term).
They also discuss strategies for dealing with the ‘fallacies’ that we can often tell ourselves when we’re approaching that step back into work. ‘I’m needed at home. The family can’t cope without me’. ‘I’m unemployable. I’ve been out too long. My skills are not relevant’. ‘I won’t be as good as I was before’.
Don’t Undervalue Yourself
If you’re wanting to return to work after a long break, do not undervalue yourself or your previous experience. Sometimes we can feel just grateful to have been offered a role in the first place and we are willing to accept a salary that is less than we are worth! As women too, we also have a tendency to short-change ourselves or we’re often unwilling (or nervous) of negotiating a salary.
Do your research – build up a realistic understanding of your value based on your experience and past performance combined with what you know about the market and the company. Websites such as LinkedIn can often be a good place to start your research. Be patient and avoid making the first move – wait for the company to tell you the salary they would like to offer you.
Set Your Stall Out
Lisa, who went back to work 3 days a week, commented, ‘I managed to negotiate going back to work 3 days a week but, on my days off I would still be on my email for several hours. This impacted the time I had with my son and set the wrong expectations with my work colleagues and boss’.
There is no shame in working less than 5 days a week, in fact, I think most people would relish the opportunity. Remember that you have negotiated 3 days not 5. Your pay is pro-rated, as is your holiday entitlement, potential bonus, share options etc. Start as you mean to go on. Lisa further commented, ‘if I was doing this again, I would have made it clear that 2 days a week, I am with my son’.
Likewise, if you’re working until 3pm every day, then make sure you walk out of the office with your head held high (not sneaking or skulking out as though you’re embarrassed, stand by your choices).
We’ve noticed more and more, that people are adding their working hours/days to their email signature, which also sets expectations. For example, ‘please note that my working days are Mondays, Wednesday and Thursdays’.
Remember That You Are Still You
This is a great thing to keep remembering. You haven’t suddenly morphed into an incapable human being. You are still you, maybe a tired version of you (if you’re returning to work after maternity leave) but still you. One woman who we interviewed commented, ‘you are still the same woman just with more balls to juggle’ – she was talking about going back to work after having kids.
Asking For Flexible Working
‘Traditional workplace hours of 9am to 5pm are now only the norm for a minority of workers, research suggests: Just 6% of people in the UK now work such hours. A YouGov survey found.’
If you’re looking for flexible working, more companies are now offering it. Now’s the time to figure out what working pattern you would like to work. Flexible working doesn’t just mean part-time work. At a recent meeting at a large consulting company, I was (pleasantly) surprised at some of the working patterns that employees were doing. Compressed hours, working from home, starting the working day earlier and leaving earlier, working term time only etc. Not all companies offer this however once you have ‘sold’ your skills and talents to them, it may be worth asking for.
Read our tips on how to ask for flexibility. It’s also worth checking out a company’s website as they will often list their ‘perks’ which may give details on the flexibility that they offer.
Also, bear in mind that if you’re in a current role and want to ask for flexibility, there are certain laws in the UK that you need to follow. As I write this, every employee in the UK has the statutory right to ask for flexible working, after 26 weeks of employment. Check out further details here.
Also, companies are offering more and more initiatives to help get women back into the work place.
Remember The New Skills That You Have Acquired Since Becoming A Mum
‘Once you have children, you become an amazing multi-tasker, who can effortlessly prioritise what needs to be done.’
As a mum you have a whole new set of skills that are very valuable in the workforce. If you thought you were a great multi-tasker prior to having children, then think how amazing you’ve become since having children. Often, we are responsible for managing the children, sorting childcare, organising meals, planning the day and things can quite easily fall apart if we don’t keep on top of it all!
Efficiency, Persuasion and Negotiation
We are much more effective at using our time. As a mum who went back to work 3 days a week, Claire says, ‘I am so much more efficient, and I know that I have a certain amount of time to get my work done in. So, I work hard, I’m focused and I get the job done’.
Persuasion and negotiating. Negotiating with a child is a whole new ballgame. It’s a test of patience and of cajoling and pulls on your influencing skills. How often are you faced with a toddler who refuses to do what you want them to do? How often do you have to ‘sell’ your point of view across and influence them to say Yes to you?
One of our favourites which comes with age and experience too, is the ability to not ‘sweat the small stuff’. Prior to having children, work can be all consuming. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing however we can often lack the ability to take a step back and assess a situation, calmly. Now, we can take things much more in our stride, sweat less about the things that aren’t so important, and tackle ‘situations’ with ease and perspective.
Ditch Perfection And Guilt
‘Stop trying to do everything perfectly as you’ll end up exhausted. Realise that some days you’ll feel great and some days you’ll feel useless. Don’t beat yourself up, and stop feeling guilty about everything!’
We often pride ourselves on doing things perfectly. When we return to work after having children, we can often let our desire to have everything ‘just so’, take over. Whilst it may be admirable to want to give work 100% and your family 100%, this isn’t doable and will lead to utter exhaustion.
As Emma points out, ‘I went back to work and wanted everything to be perfect. I’m not sure if I wanted to prove that I could do it all. Things at first were fine, but several months in, I felt stressed and anxious. I was putting too much pressure on myself and I realised that I had to let some stuff go’.
Some things will have to give. You may not be able to take on those extra projects at work, unless of course you want to. You may not be able to cook healthy dinners for your family every single night. The house may look a little less tidy than it used to. Remember that, in all of this, you matter and your mind and health are also important.
New Opportunities
If you’re wanting to go back after an extended break, remember that this is an opportunity to look at what you really want to do with your life. You may have 20 years of sales experience behind you but if the thought of doing another 20 sends shivers up your spine, then read on. It’s important that you do something that makes you happy. So take this as a chance to explore and really think about what you would like out of a job. Looking at your Superpowers will give you a framework to build a satisfying career.
Be Prepared For The Unexpected
On the practical side of things, prepare for the unexpected. If you’re going back to work after maternity leave, one of the biggest shocks for one of our readers was the amount of time that her son was ill.
When Jen’s son started nursery, he would pick up lots of bugs and this would mean that Jen or her husband had to take time off work. Whilst you can’t predict when your child is going to be ill, children do tend to get ill especially if this is the first time they have been ‘exposed’ to other children’s germs ie, at a nursery. If at all possible, think about how you would deal with this. Do you have an understanding boss? Are you able to work at home at all? Are your parents or in-laws nearby?
Don’t Fall Into The Trap Of Doing Everything – Share The ‘Burden’
Have a conversation with your partner, before you go back to work, and agree who is going to do what at home. Make sure that you do not fall into the trap of doing everything – housework, washing, meals etc – as this will ‘kill’ you. Many of us fall into this trap and set the wrong expectations and it’s really hard to re-dress the balance, further down the line.
It may not cross your mind to have this discussion but it’s worth doing. If you are both working, then the household chores etc need to be divvied up between you both. And once this is done, both of you need to let each other get on with their own tasks. No interfering and none of the ‘oh I’ll do it then as I know it will be done right’. And remember to ditch perfection!
It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know
If you’re looking to go back to work after an extended career break, and you don’t have a job to walk into, then it’s really worth getting back in contact with your network. This is especially true if you are wanting to work part-time. Whilst part-time work is becoming more the norm, many recruiters still focus on full-time roles. It can be sole destroying talking to a recruitment company and as soon as you start to discuss your want to work part-time, you can ‘hear’ the sudden lack of interest. Rest assured that this is not You.
We would highly recommend that you get back in contact with old work colleagues, your old boss etc and meet them for a coffee and a chat. Start putting some feelers out, asking around, see what’s out there.
Be Gentle On Yourself
‘I remember going back to work after having 6 months maternity leave and feeling the strain of trying to do it all. After a few months, I was a physical and mental wreck.’
As we’ve mentioned a few times above, going back to work can be tough. If you’re going back after maternity leave, you can feel like you are being pulled in all directions. It’s perfectly normal to feel that you are not doing a great job at work nor a great job at home. Some days you’ll feel that you have it all under control and things are going great, other days you’ll feel like things are falling apart around you.
Take each day as it comes and don’t beat yourself up! Remind yourself that you are doing your best. Andrea commented, ‘I used to go to bed each night thinking that I’d been a rubbish mum that day. What I should have been thinking was, I’ve done the best I can’. Take it from us and be gentle on yourself and maybe learn to say no more often (without feeling guilty!)
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