By Aleksandra Olenska – the Style Whisperer. Image credit ©Fabrice Malard.
During this time of global upheaval, without the stability of normal everyday routines, it can leave us questioning ourselves. This makes it the perfect moment to re-evaluate who you are, what you represent and how you want to show up in the world, especially now that things are starting to re-open, so that you can live to your highest potential as a full expression of yourself – as a happy, confident and relaxed woman in and out of work.
I work with successful high-flying mid-life women, and frequently see that it’s easy to become imbalanced – to get stuck into work mode for example, and neglect other sides to ourselves, which stops us from living life to the full. This is exacerbated with transitions such as; menopause, divorce or hitting a significant age, that mid-life can bring, and is particularly significant at this time of worldwide change.
As ‘The Style Whisperer’, creative director and creator of the INSIDE OUT STYLE IDENTITY.™ – I am on a mission to support high-achieving modern mid-life women – in cultivating ‘authentic three-dimensional stylish lives’.
I help women of substance to tap into the power of self-expression using my unique Next Level You method, to feel more authentically and confidently themselves. Imagine that liberating sense of inner peace and feeling more confidently you – of discovering the most joyous and interesting vision of yourself by embracing all sides of you – from the inside out.
You too can nurture a rock solid sense of self by addressing your inside-out style identity, and using self-expression to help your confidence go through the roof!
Start your own inner and outer transformation with my 8 tips below, and let me know how you get on!
Take stock, be honest with yourself and gently push yourself out of your comfort zone
Style is an expression of your soul, and your core values, so in order to be a more interesting, and less boring version of yourself, you have to address your inner self first, to then be able to successfully represent your next level fabulousness on the outside.
Consider any limiting beliefs you may have about yourself, your appearance, your way of being – for example, what you can and cannot wear, or of what is appropriate for women of your age and position in life…
Likewise, think about what sides of yourself you are denying or burying in the business of life and work, and your roles of successful career woman or mother.
It’s easy to get stuck in a comfort zone especially if you haven’t prioritized yourself, and have been prioritizing everything but your career and family for example. Change can initially feel scary. Try to relax into the process and any discomfort, to ultimately feel a great sense of achievement that will elevate your self-esteem.
Reflect on what you believe in, what’s important to you beyond such roles or labels, and what sums up your character and personality
Think about what sides of yourself you’d secretly like to nurture (your sexy or playful side for example,) how you’d like to feel and be seen in the next level version of yourself.
Based on this, define key words – no matter how apparently contradictory, that sum you and your next level self, based on what’s important to you. For example; warm, edgy, romantic, kind, straight-talking, diplomatic, exuberant, friendly, punk, sexy, gentle.
Remember that if you have a stronger sense of wholeness – of self, you get more REAL confidence – the confidence to be the real you and not just the professional version of you for example. So whether you’re ready to retire, start a new direction or go for promotion, it’s going to help!
Make a mood-board visually representing the next level you
Use the key words to guide you, and depict how you’d like to look and feel in different scenarios pertinent to your life – work, home, rest and play. Make it by hand, or digitally, via Pinterest for example.
If you can visualize it, you can start to embody it!
Accept, edit or change
In my years of working as a Stylist and Creative director for celebrities and brands such as Celine, Chanel and magazines such as Vogue, I’ve always used my accept/edit/change system.
What beliefs and sides to yourself do you love and whole-heartedly accept and embrace, and which limiting beliefs – for example your perceived imperfections, are no longer serving you that you can edit out of your life, or change. Maybe it’s time to embrace that wonky little tooth that makes you uniquely you, or maybe you decide to change it and get braces. Accept, edit or change.
Which of your possessions as much as people around you, no longer add to your life – what can you banish! Are you holding onto friends from childhood who only contact you when they need a favour, or clothes that don’t fit you, but that you feel guilty about throwing away. It’s time for them to go – edit them out!
This makes space for the new – you will feel emotionally and physically lighter, with a renewed spring in your step, open to new possibilities – a different social network for example, potential new romances or more connection to your partner, as you make room to reconnect with who you are, and start to feel like a more confident, refreshed and whole version of yourself.
Embrace your multi-dimensional self
It’s time to express yourself in new ways, embrace all sides of yourself and try new things. Often, especially in your 40s and beyond, it can be easy to become one-sided, and the best way to stop feeling one-sided or imbalanced and to feel more confidently you, is to play and experiment! Rediscover sides to yourself that may have been hiding for years, and have more fun and watch your confidence soar!
What actions and changes can you take to add to your life? What new people can you meet where, and what hobbies can you try out? No matter how silly or cringey they may be, or how desperately bad you might be at learning to dance like Beyonce (especially if you’re the only over 30 in the room!)
This will help you to not only have more fun, more friends, more romance, but to re-define success beyond work or the labels you and others have given you. Feel successful deep within yourself – that calm, centered, deliciously grounded feeling of being utterly content in yourself and your body as a true expression of yourself.
Make sure the outside matches the inside
As individuals as much as representatives of our brands and businesses, we want to ensure our visual identity is coherent with our values, and also be able to express different sides to ourselves.
Use your keywords and mood-boards to guide you towards choosing new clothes and items for the home that express you. Think about what flatters and suits you at this point in your life – this next level version of you right now – not a future you when you’ve finally lost those Covid kilos!
More importantly, consider what makes you feel good…choose quality fabrics that feel good against the skin, as much as looking good, and let your intuition guide you towards certain colours – not just your rational thinking brain, of what you think suits you!
Use fashion in moderation as a tool to stay fresh and relevant – not mutton dressed as lamb.
Think about accessories (even if you’re not a statement jewelry kind of person,) and the final flourishes that add character and polish to your looks.
Your home likewise should uplift and support you, so find cushions, objects d’art, vases, table settings etc, that represent how you would like to feel in your home. For me, that’s a calm refuge, for others it may be an uplifting and energising space for instance.
Elevate your everyday
We can so easily fall into auto-pilot, especially if you’re a working woman with so many other people to look after! It can be simple to hurriedly pull on the same outfits and make-up, for example, without pausing to consider if they’re best serving you at this point in your life. This can leave us feeling like we’ve lost ourselves.
Now that you’ve edited out anything that’s no longer serving you, put simple new routines into place to elevate your everyday.
Consider what small incremental way can you upgrade the way you do something. Can you massage in your face-cream in a more intentional and loving manner for instance (rather than just quickly slathering it on!) Can you change the annoying alarm sound on your phone to something more fun or soothing?
Intentionally elevating your everyday, will decrease micro-anxieties, and increase love and calm in your life, leaving you feeling more confidently in control of your life.
Embody your next level you!
Style is about self respect. If you live and look like a full expression of yourself from the inside out, you are setting boundaries for yourself as well as others.
That means living according to your values and beliefs – even when no one else is looking!
Style isn’t just an outfit you put on – ultimately a new outfit or pair of heels isn’t going to change the way you feel about yourself in the long term – you have to really rock your look from the inside out knowing that it represents you! Wear it with your unique attitude and deep-rooted self belief, knowing it expresses your multi-faceted unique and gorgeous self.
Style is an outward expression of your internal self, that can also help you to physically embody what you want to say from the inside out so that you are aligned and feeling confident and a full expression of who you really are – as long as you believe in it, and embody your gorgeous next level you on a daily basis.
It’s time to start living life properly as a full expression of yourself – to enrich your life experiences AND feel confident and drop dead gorgeous in ALL of your multi-dimensional identities.
Bio
Aleksandra Olenska, aka ‘The Style Whisperer’, creative director and creator of the INSIDE OUT STYLE IDENTITY.™
Aleksandra is an entrepreneurial style genius, previously described by one of her clients as “the google of fashion and culture.” With a masters in Fashion Design from Central St Martins and a rich Polish-English history embracing fashion, fine art, culture and creativity, Aleksandra has made it her mission to help successful mid-lifers to “passionately pursue” their ”best selves.” She believes style is an expression of soul in line with goals, strengths, personality and energy and that each one of us can ‘level-up’ by rediscovering and celebrating our own uniqueness.
Alekandra’s unique Next Level You method, helps clients to discover their INSIDE OUT STYLE IDENTITY.™ and she’s working with men and women all over the globe to feel more elegant, relevant, confident and rediscover their vavavoom!
Aleksandra can also be found on Instagram.
