17 Powerful Ways To Build Confidence And Self-Esteem

17 Powerful Ways To Build Confidence And Self-Esteem

Having a good dose of self-confidence can positively impact so many areas of your life – your work, your career, your friendships, your relationship and how you feel about yourself.   Visualise yourself as the most confident and powerful version of you and ask, ‘what would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?’ and ‘what would I have done differently with my life?’  Imagine how different things could be, if you believed in yourself a little more.

Most people, even those who seem to exude confidence, can struggle with it.  It’s something that can appear in full force once day and then seemingly disappear the next.  We’ve all had those days where we feel on top of the world and as though we could conquer whatever is thrown at us and then the next, our self-esteem is rock-bottom again (and for no apparent reason!).

The good news is that confidence is something that can be mastered, over time and with some practice. Here are some simple tips that you can use to give yourself a confidence boost:

Get Doing Things

Confidence is built through actions and accomplishments.  Once you see yourself succeeding, this helps to build up your inner reserves of confidence and your ‘Can Do’ attitude.  The key is to take small, incremental steps forward rather than taking on something that is totally overwhelming for you.

Stretch Zone

In coaching, we talk about comfort, stretch and panic zones.  Your comfort zone is where you will likely spend most of your time.  It feels safe and relaxed here and you’ll do tasks with ease, and these are likely to be tasks that you are already good at.  Conversely, in your panic zone you may feel totally overwhelmed, stressed and out of control.  Your stretch zone though is where the magic happens.  Here, you will push yourself forward and accomplish new things.

In your stretch zone, you will feel challenged, a little nervous and a little uncomfortable but you will build your self-confidence by seeing yourself do something new that was a little scary. By doing this, you are giving yourself ‘evidence’ that you can do it.

Stretch Versus Panic

Let’s look at an example, if you have a fear of speaking in public, then a stretch zone action, may be for you to speak in front of 10 people.  A panic zone action could be speaking in front of 200 people (the thought of this may give you sleepless nights).  Public speaking is a good example to use as many people have a fear of this.  So, start small and set yourself a stretch goal.  Yes, you may feel a little nervous; and this is ok and completely natural.

Once you have completed your goal, take a moment to reflect on it and really feel the sense of accomplishment.  It’s important to feel it and re-live those feelings (the good ones, the feelings that you have done something, taken a step forward etc).  This will help  build your confidence and you will probably find that you will want to do something ‘bigger’ next time.

The beauty of this is that the action that took you into your stretch zone, is something, that with time and practice, becomes an action that you can do with ease.  Often, over time, you’ll find that the fears you originally had, completely disappear and you’ll wonder why you were even bothered by it in the first place!  Then it’s time to take another stretch zone action and soon you’ll find yourself presenting in front of a 100 people, with ease.

In an article from The Guardian, the author talks about if she could go back in time and give her younger self a piece of advice, it would be to stay in her stretch zone as much as possible.

Ditch Thinking For Doing

Whilst on the subject of doing things, Suzy Greaves, Editor of Psychologies Magazine, suggests to ditch thinking for doing.  When you have a confidence-wobble and begin to overthink, this is when you need to get out of you head and start to do anything. She says, ‘absolutely any activity can help ignite confidence. Next time you start to feel yourself worrying, go for a walk, clean the house, or do some gardening instead’.

Keep A List Of Your Successes

It’s so easy to focus on the stuff that we aren’t good at or the things that didn’t go so well.  How often though do we think about the things that have gone really well and all the amazing skills and experience that we have?  Not often.  How about keeping a list of your achievements, both large and small.  Look back over your list and remind yourself of all the things that you have succeeded at.  This is a great way to re-enforce your confidence and boost your self-esteem.  Re-read your list once a week and keep adding to it.

Beating Imposter Syndrome

This is a fabulous way to tackle imposter syndrome at work (imposter syndrome is the feeling that we shouldn’t be in the position we are in at work and that someone-one will ‘find us out’).  Keep an email folder with all the wonderful things that you have achieved and all the great things that colleagues and clients have said about you and your work.  When you’re feeling those moments of doubt, refer back to the folder and you’ll get a little boost.  If you’re going back to work, this book has so many wonderful tips and advice in it.

Talk To Yourself Nicely!

It’s important to nourish yourself with positive thoughts yet why do we find it especially hard to talk to ourselves nicely?  Often our encouraging and kind words are reserved for our friends and the rather nasty and hurtful ones, we reserve for ourselves.   These words can have such a damaging effect on our self-confidence and our self-esteem.  Not only that, our negative thoughts hold us back and stop us from doing all those fab things that will actually boost our confidence.  This is a great book to read that has totally helped me with my mindset and positivity (don’t be put off by the cover!).

Re-Frame

It’s time to stop.  Firstly, it’s important to become more aware of our internal dialogue and to take a note of what it is saying (though not to agree with it).  Often, when you do this, it can be quite a surprise as to how negative it is.  Once you learn to recognise this negative way of thinking, you can start to re-frame your thoughts into something more positive and affirming.  Start to switch out the ‘I can’t do this’ thoughts to ‘I can do this’.  Switch out the ‘I’m not good enough’ for ‘I am capable’.

Once you start to re-frame your thoughts, over time this becomes more of a habit.  And once you start to talk more positively to yourself, those inner demons of self-doubt, do become less fierce.

Look After Yourself

As more and more of us lead sedentary lifestyles and find ourselves sat in front of a screen all day,  we can feel lethargic and unhealthy.  Exercise is a fantastic way to build up your confidence and self-esteem.  If you hate the way you look, it is really hard to feel positive about yourself too.  When we exercise, our bodies release feel-good hormones which help to boost our overall mood.  As well as boosting our mood, these hormones can also make us sleep better, reduce stress and help us to relax more.  And when we feel good about ourselves, this of course gives our confidence a boost!

So, find exercise that you love to do and stay motivated to do it!  You may find that going to a gym is that last thing you want to do however going for a run in the local park with a friend, is something that really sets you alight.  Mix it up a little, if you like.  Try a range of different types of exercise, exercise with friends to help get you motivated.  Join a gym and get a personal trainer to put an exercise plan, specifically tailored to you, together.  Whatever floats your boat!

Carve Out Time

As well as exercise, it’s important to build self-care into your day.  With our busy lifestyles, we can often put our own needs and wants at the bottom of our priority list.  However, when you do something that you love to do that takes care of you, whether that’s exercise, sitting down and reading a book, having your nails done or meditating, it allows you to re-connect with who you are.  It allows us to focus on ourselves, re-charge our batteries and increase our overall sense of well-being.  In busy times, remember that self-care is needed and carve out that time for yourself.

Visualise Yourself As A Confident Person

Similarly, to taking control of your thoughts, visualising yourself being successful in a situation, is a great tool to boost confidence and self-esteem.  For example, if you have an interview coming up that you are not looking forward to, a week or so before it, start to visualise yourself in the interview.  Rather than visualising yourself as nervous and lacking in confidence, visualise yourself as relaxed and competent.  See yourself getting on with the interviewer, answering questions with ease, talking about your successes in a positive way etc.

For 10 minutes a day, sit down, close your eyes, and act out this scene in your mind.  You will find that this really helps you feel much more at ease on the day of the interview and it often helps to calm those interview nerves down.

Look To Yourself For Validation

Often, we can draw our self-esteem and confidence from others.  Sometimes the odd remark or negative comment can have a real impact on our mood.  And whilst positive comments can make us feel great, we must also look to ourselves for validation.  As I‘ve got older, I’ve realised that people’s comments are often a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves, not me.  A negative comment made by someone about you, may be solely down to something that has happened to them 30 minutes earlier (an argument with their partner for example).

So, look to yourself for validation of your greatness by using some of the techniques described above. And remember, no-one has the power to make you feel bad about yourself, unless you chose to let them.

Invest In Yourself

When was the last time you sat down and thought about what you wanted from life?  We can be so busy that we often lose sight of our own goals and desires.  Put aside some time and think about your dreams, create yourself some goals and start to work towards them.  Create a vision of where you want to be in a few years and give yourself permission to go after it!

When you realise that you are responsible for your life, and you build steps towards achieving your goals/dreams, you place value on yourself which helps to build a strong sense of identity and of self-confidence.

How To Be More Confident If You’re Not Feeling It

You have 7 seconds or less to make a good impression on someone.

But how do you do this when you are feeling nervous and unconfident?  There are certain things you can do, that will help others perceive you as a confident person.  Here are just a few that you can try:

Smiling is a simple yet effective one.  When you smile, people assume you are happy and relaxed.  And this also helps put the person you are talking to at ease too.

Speaking clearly and slowly are important.  Do you find that when you are nervous, you tend to talk fast and talk a lot?  Take a breath and then start to talk.  Take your time, talk slowly, make your point and then be quiet.

Don’t over think it.  One technique I have learnt, is to not overthink what you are going to say.  How many meetings have you been in, where you don’t listen to what others are saying, you just rehearse in your head what you are going to say?  Instead, listen to what others are saying and this takes the focus away from what is going on in your head and calms your nerves down.

Posture is so important in giving others the perception that you are confident.  Try some of these.

Stand or sit tall.  Keep your shoulders back.  Hold your head high.  Keep your arms and legs uncrossed.  These all give the first impression that you are powerful and will also help you to feel it too.

Eye contact.  When you are talking to someone, look them in the eyes.  This signals that you are interested in what the person has to say.  Don’t over-stare though as this can make someone feel very uncomfortable.

Whenever In Doubt

Sometimes the simplest things can give you a quick boost.  On those days when you can’t shake the self-doubt, commit to doing something that you love to do.  Take yourself off for a walk in the countryside, book in to get your nails done.  Switch your mind off, take yourself out of the situation (if you’re at home dwelling and overthinking, go out!) and you’ll find that the change of scenery really helps to change your mood.

I also find that putting on one of my favourite, uplifting songs, singing out loud and dancing around the kitchen, really helps me to shake off the negative vibes (and the kids think it’s great too).  Try it!

5 Senses Grounding Exercise

This is a technique that we have shared on Woman Ready to help you deal with stress and anxiety. However, we have had readers comment that this has helped them to feel more confident in a specific situation.  It’s a mindfulness exercise which is good to practice to foster the habit of being present in the moment.  It encourages you out of your mind and into your space, breath, body.

I have found it useful to practice before a big presentation.  It involves you noticing your breath and bringing awareness to each of your 5 senses. The technique is from Anya Hayes, author of The Supermum Myth.

And Here Are A Few More Quick Confidence Boosting Tips For You:

Create A Confidence Ritual

We all have that little something that makes us feel more confident in ourselves.  It might be wearing a certain dress, that red lipstick, dancing around the kitchen to your fav song.  Whatever it is, do it more often.

Do Something By Yourself

Do you rely on others to join you if you want to try something new?  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do things with your friends and family however, sometimes we need to do things by ourselves.  Doing something solo can give you a great sense of accomplishment.  So, take that trip you have been wanting to do, go and try that new exercise class that looks fantastic, go to the cinema to see that film you’ve been wanting to see for ages.

Opinions

Remember that opinions of others are only opinion, not the truth.  Stay strong to who you are and what you value.  Don’t let others sway you into doing something that isn’t right for you.  Respect yourself and your choices. You matter.

Make Your Phone Work For You Not Against You

Do you find yourself scrolling aimlessly on your phone if you have 5 minutes to spare?  Why not use your phone in a more positive way?  Using ‘Notes’ on your phone, write down 5 things that have gone well today or 5 reasons why you are amazing as you are.

Build A Positive Community Around You

Have positive, successful and supportive people around you.  This can make such a huge difference to how you feel about yourself and how confident you are.  They will help motivate you, give you ideas and support you when you’re in need of a little boost.

Give Perfection The Heave-Ho

Our quest for perfection can really stifle our progress, make us feel stressed out and feel totally inadequate.  Realise that there is no such thing as perfection.  If you wait for something to be ‘perfect’ you will never do it.  Likewise, if you are learning a new skill, then you will make mistakes and this is ok; this is how we learn new things.  Stop putting pressure on yourself to be the perfect being.

Create A Done List

Similar to listing our achievements, rather than writing an overwhelming to-do list, write a ‘done’ list.  Write down 10 things you’ve achieved in the last month and this will give you a real feeling of accomplishment.

And finally,

Sometimes we just need to put the over-thinking aside, and just do it.  Sometimes you need to walk through fear and believe that you can do it.  Often, it’s when those moments of fear melt away, that we feel at our most powerful and confident.

If you’re feeling ‘stuck’, are wanting more balance or are frustrated that you are not leading the life that you want, then contact our Founder, Lou, for a free coaching Discovery Call.