Guest Post by Zoe Blaskey – 12 Ways To Reconnect With You.
Guest Post by Zoe Blaskey – 12 Ways To Reconnect With You.Parenting is a plethora of strong opinions (just don’t mention co-sleeping, discipline or screen time…) but if there’s one thing that most mums seem to agree on – it’s that life as a mum is busy, full-on and there’s real of lack of time to focus on ourselves.
There’s always something to be doing.
Our digitally connected, modern lives have never been busier, more stressful or pressured. It can be so hard to find the time or even the willingness to turn the attention to ourselves, when there are so many other seemingly more important things to be doing.
Re-connecting back to you doesn’t mean long candlelit baths, spa weekends or walking in woods (although all those things are lovely…). It means seeing how you’re doing, how you’re feeling, what’s going on for you right now.
All too often, days, weeks or even years have passed and we have no idea how we really feel, we get stuck in our habitual way of thinking and acting, without ever stopping to consider a different approach. Many of the mums I work with feel they have lost a sense of who they really are, beyond the endless tasks and activities.
We often think we’re being a ‘good mum’ by focusing on those around us all the time, but I believe it’s our responsibility to keep investing time in our relationship with ourselves – not only do we show our children what it looks like to love and care for ourselves, but we’re also more likely to be more connected, less reactive and calmer.
These 12 ideas are tried and tested ways for busy mums to turn the attention inwards and start the journey of self-awareness ultimately leading to a happier, calmer you.
1. Journalling
When I work with clients, this is one of the first tools I introduce. Jotting down even a few lines about how you’re feeling, what’s on your mind or even what you’re fearful of, can help you to come back to yourself. Remember what you write or how well you write doesn’t matter – it’s the process that’s important. You’ll be surprised at how revealing it is.
2. Stop and ask yourself – how am I feeling right now?
Rushing around and never stopping to check in with ourselves means that we often unconsciously push down or resist our real feelings. The problem with constantly ignoring our feelings is that they will often come out sideways – in the form of stress, short-temperedness, anxiety or even illness. Feelings and emotions are generally trying to tell us something and need to be processed, then released.
3. Guided meditation
If you haven’t tried meditation before it can seem overwhelming, so I suggest guided meditations which are a brilliant way to instantly access a calmer, more connected and balanced headspace. Focusing on a soft, kind voice guiding you through a 5 minute meditation can feel like a weekend at a spa – trust me.
4. Gratitude list
We hear all the time to write a gratitude list, but do we ever actually do it? This is the tool that Oprah said changed her life, so it’s worth a go in my book. I’ve been doing daily gratitude lists for years now and it instantly anchors me back into positivity, perspective and my power.
5. Ask yourself some powerful questions
One of the biggest challenges with busy, pressured modern mum life is that it’s so easy to become consumed with the micro, day to day challenges – but they aren’t the things we’ll look back on or celebrate as we get older. Try asking yourself some powerful questions such as ‘Am I becoming the person I want to be?’, ‘What do I want to contribute whilst I’m here on this planet and am I moving in that direction?’, ‘Am I enjoying my life, what can I do to love it even more’?.
6. Get a therapist or coach
This is obviously a bigger time and money investment – but getting outside support is no longer a luxury for me – having someone I trust to non-judgmentally listen and guide me is invaluable. Studies have shown we tend to be overly harsh and over-critical of ourselves, so a professional outside view often provides a kinder perspective. When my daughter was born I started having my therapy on Skype when she napped – it worked brilliantly and it was much cheaper too.
7. Do something you used to love
Remember when you loved discovering new restaurants? Or classic novels? In our time pushed life these passions often just don’t get a look in. It’s all about prioritisation and scheduling – dull as that sounds. Block an hour or two in your diary once a month to indulge in a passion that makes you feel great. Or try something new – studies have shown that even taking a different route to work or school drop off can make us feel re-invigorated (assuming you don’t get lost and then late….).
8. Become aware of your inner critic
One of the biggest breakthroughs in my life was becoming aware of my inner critic and learning that the majority of my habitual thoughts were negative, untrue and unkind to myself. Notice what you consistently tell yourself – often variations on ‘People don’t like me’, ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘I’m not loveable’. These thoughts simply aren’t true – learn to recognise these as limiting and unhelpful and replace them with a positive phrase such as ‘I’m doing my best’, ‘I am enough’ or ‘It’s all happening perfectly’.
9. Take the time to respond, don’t react
When we’re disconnected from ourselves we tend to find ourselves constantly reacting to life, jumping from one mini-drama to another with our tried and tested reactions often based in fear. A response is a more conscious, considered action. A reaction and a response may look exactly alike – but they feel totally different. The more reacting we do, the less empowered we feel. So next time something happens, try giving yourself even 5 minutes to consider your normal reaction and how you might respond differently. Phrases such as ‘let me get back to you on that’ or ‘I’m not sure what I think about this yet’ can be really helpful in creating space.
10. Create a vision for your life
So often we don’t even know what a dream come true would be for us. What work would you like to be doing? Where would you like to be living? How would you like to feel? Who is in your life? A vision board is a really, simple fun way of connecting back to your vision for your life. It can be done in an hour or days – there’s no right or wrong way – just grab a blank sheet of paper and start.
11. Letting go of what no longer works for you
Our time is so precious and yet so many of us give our energy to people and activities that don’t enrich us, in fact often they drain us. This is a huge piece of the puzzle when it comes to reconnecting to ourselves and creating more space in our lives to grow. It’s a journey and not always an easy one, but a simple first step into awareness is to write down all the things on you want to let go of and that no longer serve you.
12. Put down your phone
A recent study by Kingston University found that on average people touch or interact with their phones 2,617 times a day. Awareness is the first step – an app like Moment can tell you how long you spend on your phone. For most people it’s double their estimation! By setting limits on our own phone use or at least being aware of it, we not only show our children how to do it, but we’re also more likely to give ourselves extra time for some of the above ideas.
If you like this article, why not read our other posts on how to ditch mum guilt and finding your sense of self after motherhood.
Bio
Zoe Blaskey is the founder of Motherkind and hosts events, workshops and talks all aimed at helping mums reconnect to themselves in the madness of modern mum life. Search for The Motherkind Podcast in itunes or soundcloud or visit www.motherkind.co.
