What Is Emotional Intelligence (EQ) And How To Hone It For Your Success

By Nicole Soames, CEO of Diadem Performance & Best-Selling Author.

As an EQ practitioner who regularly speaks at conferences about the power of emotional intelligence, I often ask my audience to put up their hands if they think women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Nine times out of 10 most people in the room raise their hands. This is a common misconception. In fact, research shows that your EQ quotient doesn’t depend on your gender. It’s a human thing – some people are more emotionally intelligent than others.

The great news is that your EQ – unlike your IQ which is fixed from the age of 17 – can be developed over time. According to the Carnegie Institute, 85% of our success in life is due to these so-called “soft skills,” so it’s more important than ever for women to set themselves up for success by taking practical steps to hone their EQ skills.

So, What Is EQ?

First things first, what exactly do we mean by emotional intelligence? I define it as “the set of emotional and social skills that are most effective at influencing others.”

Emotions are heart-felt – they shape our behaviour, our relationships and our decision making. It’s therefore not surprising that the way we recognise and manage our own emotions and those of others is the secret to success at home and in the workplace.

Let’s start by breaking down these EQ skills into three key areas: Your Inner Focus, Your Outer Focus and Your Other Focus.

Your Inner Focus

These are the EQ skills that relate to your inner self. You need to draw on your self-knowledge to understand exactly what makes you tick so you can recognise the impact you have on other people.

In my experience, women are often more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome than their male counterparts. This is when you put your success down to luck or being in the right place at the right time.

You therefore need to silence this self-doubt by boosting your self-confidence and valuing yourself and what you bring to the table. The ability to control your feelings is key to boosting your EQ levels. With so many plates to juggle, it can sometimes be tricky to appear cool calm and collected at all times. However, whenever possible try to draw on your self-control to keep your feelings in check so that you can respond rather than react to other people.

Your Other Focus

These are the EQ skills that relate to the way you interact with others. Not to be confused with sympathy, empathy is about understanding the other person’s point of view. You need to actively listen to other people and ask clever questions so you can find common ground.

Women are generally better than men at relationships skills. So, when you meet someone for the first time, try to make a connection. Treat everyone you meet as an equal and expect to be treated on an equal footing in return. Straightforwardness, on the other hand, is an area that women often struggle with. It’s important to be open and honest. Don’t be afraid to assert yourself, put across your point of view and push back when necessary.

Your Outer focus

These EQ skills relate to the way you view the world around you. People with high levels of EQ are optimistic and ambitious; they focus on the positives in life and constantly look for new opportunities.

You need to set yourself up for success by drawing on your resilience to overcome any obstacles in your path. If things don’t work out as you planned, resist the temptation to lick your wounds, instead take the learnings from the situation and plan what you would do differently next time.

In today’s rapidly changing world, adaptability is crucial to success. Women are particularly good at adapting as they are used to wearing different hats – whether it’s as an employee, a mother or a boss. So, keep up to date with all the latest developments and try to view change as exciting not scary.

By taking active steps to weave these EQ skills into your daily life, whether it’s listening with empathy to your children, drawing on your self-control when you are dealing with a difficult colleague or being optimistic about your new role at work, you will soon reap the rewards of more meaningful relationships and greater success in life.

As a final reminder of the power of EQ, I will leave you with Maya Angelou’s wise words, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Bio

Nicole Soames is CEO of Diadem Performance, a leading commercial skills training and coaching company, and author of ‘The Influence Book’, ‘The Negotiation Book’ and ‘The Coaching Book.’ For more information about Nicole, visit www.diademperformance.com follow her on twitter @nicolediadem or visit www.nicolesoamesbooks.com.