Want Some Happy Tips For Self-Care

Guest post by Anna Kay

As a happiness coach, one of the main issues I continually find myself working on with clients is their attitude to self-care.  We live such insanely busy lives nowadays and have far less time than we’d really like to devote to friends and family, let alone to ourselves.  Not only that but the message we are constantly bombarded with is that taking time to look after ourselves is selfish and indulgent, and in no way helps others.

Let’s Change This View…

I’m on a mission to change this view!  I believe it is dangerous, outdated and serves no one.  It leads to burnout, depression and all kinds of other problems in the long run.  Just this week, the Independent newspaper reported that 40% of all GP visits are now regarding mental health issues.  We need to start seeing ourselves as way more important, and far more deserving of self-care, than we currently do.

It’s Not Wrong To Feel Good

Contrary to the message we are usually given, taking care of yourself helps you feel happier, healthier and generally more energised, which in turn allows you to look after your family and everyone else around you even better.  We need to remember that it is not wrong to feel good, even when those around us feel less so.  We all have the right to infinite happiness – there is no quota on how much each person in the world is allowed, after all!

So start taking better care of yourself straight away.  Here are some of my tried and tested tips to help you begin:

Tip 1: Love Yourself Deeply and Completely

Loving yourself is a vital part of self-care.  We’re often exposed to the destructive message that this is arrogant or conceited.  Well, it’s not.  Loving yourself allows you to feel far more love towards other people.  If you love yourself completely, others will pick up on this and be attracted to your energy and your confidence, and it will inspire them to feel the same way.

Increase Your Self-Love

To increase your self-love, I recommend standing in front of the mirror at least once a day.  Look yourself in the eyes and say ‘I love you’ (go with me on this!) with as much conviction as you can muster.  The first few times you’ll feel utterly ridiculous, but continue for a few days and you’ll start to believe it.  Continue for thirty days if you can and the message will really sink in.

Date Yourself!

Another thing to try is dating yourself (again, go with me!).  Take time out to do things you’d forgotten you love to do or things you’ve always wanted to try.  Remember what used to make you feel alive, before all the grown up stuff got in the way.  Take yourself on a date once a week or once a fortnight and get used to being comfortable in your own company.  Treat yourself as well as you would any other date and you’ll appreciate yourself again in no time.

Tip 2: Feeling All Your Feelings

When life gets hectic it’s easy to block out any negative feelings that may appear.  We tell ourselves we should just get on with it or that we shouldn’t feel upset when other people have problems far worse than ours.  If you are guilty of this you need to change your attitude right now!  Every single person on this planet has feelings that are equally as important and valid as anyone else’s.  Feeling low is a perfectly natural part of the human experience and definitely not one that is wrong or bad.

Blocking Out The Negatives And The Positives?

The problem is that if you block out the negative feelings you have to block out the positive ones too and this is a surefire way to end up feeling numb or suffering from severe mental health issues in the long term.  You could even find that your feelings manifest in more devastating ways, such as addictions or suicidal thoughts.

So if you feel sad or angry or scared or stressed, don’t block out the feeling.  Sit with it, breathe into it, take note of how it feels in your body.  Acknowledging the feelings will help you overcome them quicker and allow them to have less impact on you.  It will also mean that the positive feelings can surface as well, as you are not trying to keep the negative ones shut away.

Tip 3: Remember You Are Human

If you find that you get angry with yourself when you don’t do something as perfectly as you’d like, or if you feel as though you drop the ball occasionally, give yourself a break!  You are human.  Humans make mistakes.  Humans are flawed.  But you are enough just as you are.  Your flaws just make you even more perfect because they are what make you truly unique, so embrace them.  Make friends with them rather than trying to constantly get rid of them or pretending they don’t exist.  And look for the things within you that you love – or remind yourself of them if you are so down on yourself that you’d forgotten they existed at all.

Gratitude List

Write a list of all the things you are grateful for about yourself and the reasons why you appreciate them.  Perhaps you are grateful for your smile as it allows you to brighten up other people’s day.  Your legs because they allow you to run around after your children.  Your empathy that allows you to help your friends when they come to you with their problems.  Don’t stop until you’ve thought of ten things, no matter how small or silly they seem, and repeat every time you need a boost.  I guarantee it’ll help you see yourself in a different light.

Tip 4: Have Fun!

We are so focused on getting all our work done, looking after everyone else and doing all the things we think we ‘should’ do that it’s very easy to forget about having fun.  It’s so important for your self-care not to get too bogged down in all of the stressful or mundane stuff, though, and to find time to do the things that make you feel as though life is great.

How To Measure Your Success

Start to measure your success not in terms of how much housework you’ve got done or how many hours you’ve put in at work, but by how much fun you had along the way.  A task may feel like a drag but you can make a conscious decision to find something positive about it.  Start finding the joy in everything you do.  If you cook dinner, for example, your family be healthy, or if you walk the dog you’ll feel energised and the dog will have fun.  Remember, you are the only one who controls how you feel and how you perceive things in your own life, so decide to choose fun and life will feel better all round.

Remember When You’re Happy….

I really hope you find these useful and that you’ll put some of them into practice today and every other day.  Just remember, when you are happy you make other other people happy, and that can never be wrong!

If you like this article, why not read 5 natural ways to give your feel good neurotransmitters a boost.

Bio

Anna Kay is a happiness and wellbeing coach based in Edinburgh, UK.  She offers one-to-one coaching via Skype, as well as online courses.  For free resources and more information, visit her website at wantsomehappy.com.  You can also find her on Instagram @annakaycoach.