Post by Gabriella Sofia Buxton, Founder of Single Mama Shine, Empowerment Coach and best-selling Author of the book ‘The Single Mama’s Guide to Pregnancy: How To Navigate Solo Pregnancy Feeling Supported, Empowered and Calm’.
Gabriella was driven to write her debut book during lockdown, sharing her experiences, knowledge and support to other single mums who have unexpectedly found themselves simultaneously single and pregnant.
This bare-all book reveals Gabriella’s own unexpected pregnancy and her journey to motherhood, which has seen her overcome many challenges. Gabriella’s book is her gift to pregnant mums bringing: realities, resources, tools, and insights, to help other single mums who feel isolated, particularly during Covid.
Gabriella said, “It is no surprise that pregnancy can be a challenge… But solo pregnancy? Especially if you didn’t expect to find yourself single during such a pivotal time, can be MASSIVE. Here are my 10 simple steps to navigating solo pregnancy feeling supported, empowered and calm.”
Find Your People
You’ve heard the old adage, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’, right? It says, ‘a village’. Not a romantic couple. A village. So rally your village, Mama! Build out your parenting team of family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, teachers, staff, community, medical team… Literally, let anyone who has yours and your baby’s best interests at heart get involved. You will be so grateful for them on your pregnancy journey.
Let It All Out
Choose the one or two of your ‘people’ who you feel totally safe with… Then word-vomit your feelings to them. They can hold space for you, offer their understanding, and provide advice or perspective if you want it. And they will be able to support you infinitely better when they know your challenges.
TIP: This one only works if you are totally honest. I know, it is scary, but be vulnerable. It will pay off.
Get It Together!
At risk of sounding like a real bossy-boots, you need to start clearing some of those items off your to-do list. Make your appointments, fill out your forms, open up your bank account, apply for your maternity leave, and print off your paperwork, building a co-parenting plan if necessary and so on… These things need doing, and sadly they won’t do themselves.
So, take an hour or so each day to tackle these things one at a time. Your mind will feel so much clearer when the minutiae is taken care of.
Radical Self-Care
There is no time like the present to start being good to yourself, because you aren’t just treating yourself to kindness, but also your little one in-utero! This means eating yummy, fresh, feel-good foods in abundance. Making your eight hours of sleep a non-negotiable staple in your day.
Face masks, self-massage, warm baths with candles, meditation, mani-pedis… Whatever floats your boat. Because in the words of L’Oreal: you are worth it.
Fast-Track Healing
Trauma, heartache, shame, loneliness, depression, anxiety… these are all very real experiences which Single-and-Pregnant Mamas go through, particularly if they didn’t plan to be single during pregnancy (or pregnant during singledom).
Journaling was a tool which really helped me to move through some of the ickier parts of solo pregnancy, but if you need to seek additional support, know that you have options. Holistically, a hypnotherapist, crystal healer, or reiki practitioner may be able to help you. Otherwise, your medical professional would be a great port of call if you need them.
Either way, do what you can to clear whatever you don’t want to carry into your motherhood journey NOW. It won’t clear itself.
Bond With Your Bump
Connecting with your baby, even before your baby is here, is so important in building resilience against post-partum mental health challenges. Pregnancy yoga, hypnobirthing affirmations, and singing to your baby during a bump-massage can all be wonderful ways to build that connection.
At www.singlemamasshine.com we actually offer a Pregnancy Yoga Package and a Mindful Mamas Hypnobirthing Bundle specifically for Single Mamas to enjoy.
Celebrate!
I know, this pregnancy may not have followed the fairy-tale so far… But, that doesn’t invalidate the joyous magic and miracle that is carrying, birthing, and raising a baby.
Commemorate yourself for being a total goddess with a celebration! A bump blessing, a shopping spree for baby bits, a baby shower, or a ‘babymoon’ with your people can all be wonderful ways to shift the energy around your pregnancy and welcome in some excitement.
Put Together A Fourth Trimester Plan
We often spend so long thinking about birth that we forget that at the end of it, we have a tiny human to look after whilst we, ourselves, are recovering from a totally wild experience of birthing another person!
What are you going to eat in the forty days that come after the birth? How are you going to socialize with other new mamas? Who will be around to support you? There are answers to all of these questions, you just need to think about them now, so you aren’t blind-sided when it is too late.
Learn About Birth
I know you might prefer not to think about it… but, birth is an AMAZING opportunity to learn about the real power that your body is capable of showing up with. So learning about the process, understanding your options, and clearing away any self-limiting beliefs around pregnancy, labour and birth, is going to help you to embrace this experience as an empowering gift.
So study up, Mama!
Know That You Are Not Alone
You may feel it at times. I did too… until I started to seek out other women who had gone through pregnancy abandonment. Then I found that there were so many other fierce females that had gone before me, and grown stronger through their solo motherhood journey. We are with you, we are holding you. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.
The Single Mama’s Guide To Pregnancy is available to buy in both kindle and paperback editions on Amazon, and the Single Mamas Shine group on facebook is open to any woman who is, will be, or has been, a Single Mama.
