How can a strong, confident woman be bullied?

Bullied? It Could Never Happen To Me…

Being bullied at work knocked my confidence for six.  Well, more like 600, to be honest.  How could a strong, independent, successful woman like me, who had sailed through school without ever experiencing such behaviour, possibly be bullied?

I was in denial for a long time, working harder to prove myself rather than admit the reality of my situation.  When I finally reached the stage where I was ready to speak up, I was already suffering from anxiety, and emotionally vulnerable.

I followed every step of every procedure, fighting for myself, and to make sure that no one else would ever have to go through this again.

A Shadow Of My Former Self

It destroyed me.  I refused to stop, to listen to people telling me to get out for the sake of my health.  I couldn’t believe that the bully would keep their job, while I was reduced to a shadow of my former self.  It quite simply wasn’t fair.  I was angry and disappointed, but more than that, I was emotionally destroyed.  I lost my faith, my trust, my confidence, my belief – in myself as well as in others.

Bullying is an experience that affects you for many years after the event.  I’ve had to work hard to find a way to put myself back together again.  I was helped during this process by a self development programme using the power of horses and equine facilitated coaching which helped me realise that I was avoiding finding my true purpose, and staying in the anger which continued to affect my health.

Being True To Myself

I’ve made some significant changes to my life since then, in order to be true to myself. I’m prioritising my health in my decision making now, having recognised the detrimental effect of making choices that did not serve me well in the past.

I retrained as a coach, and set up my own transformational coaching business, which includes speaking to business about bullying, and helping individuals cope and move on.  I choose who I work with, and the hours that I work, in such a way that also allows me to stay mentally healthy.  I make time for exercise, including walking my two beautiful dogs (who often get invited to join the coaching sessions – see the pic of Nicki with her dogs).

I make time for friends and family.  I access coaching for myself regularly, because you never stop learning and growing as a person.

Never Feel Alone

I take each day as it comes now, and sometimes I still feel anxiety try to creep in, or hear those voices telling me that I’m not good enough.  Through greater self awareness and personal resilience, I am now able to acknowledge what is happening, and let it go.

If I need help, I speak up and ask for help.  If there’s one message that I could give to others who have been through anything like this, it is that you are not alone, and there is some incredible support out there.  Don’t be afraid to use it!

This is one of a series of articles by Nicki Eyre about the impact of bullying.  Nicki Eyre is a Transformational Coach based in Harrogate covering Harrogate, Leeds and York. She offers coaching programmes for businesses and individuals to increase self-awareness and emotional resilience. She supports people struggling to cope with bullying in the workplace, and to help them move on. 

 Contact Nicki for a confidential discussion:

e nicki@nickieyre.co.uk               t 07921 264920                 www.nickieyre.co.uk